I loathe almost anything that resembles exercise. When asked to participate in a fun run, I actually responded with "Run? Ha! I don't run anymore unless someone is chasing me." And I meant it. Don't get me wrong, I run after the kids, I toss football with my older two, I jump on the trampoline with my younger two...BUT no formal exercise has been had by me in a very long time. And you know what? It's amazing how quickly lack of exercise can affect you. I hadn't even noticed. In my head, I was still the same. Ummm...WRONG-O!
After I had Ethan, I was excited and eager to drop my baby weight, so I bought in to the Insanity hype and ordered the program. What? My body will be completely sculpted and fabulous in 60 days?!? Sign me up! Once I received the set, I think I got as far as the fitness challenge and disc 1. What? Don't judge--it's called Insanity for a reason. That shit's crazy! I incorporated some other things instead, and I managed to drop all but 5 lbs. of the weight I gained during my pregnancy. I was pretty satisfied. Fast forward two years and 10 lbs. Here I am, eager to be a healthier, fitter me.
After feeling disgusted with myself for becoming essentially a human slug and setting my fitness goals for the year, I dug out my Insanity dvds from storage, wiped the layers of dust from the box and decided I was going to do this. I was feeling excited. I cleared out a large space in the den, had my water bottle ready for the timed breaks and was pumped. My pony tail was swinging to my exuberant bounce as I heard the recognizable music play as the dvd started. I felt ready. I skipped the fitness challenge this time and decided to go for the cardio circuit. Seemed like a good place to start. Still bouncing in place from left to right foot, I quickly glanced at the timer on the bottom of the screen. 45 minutes?! Oh shit. No worries, I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.
Boys and girls, I couldn't do it. And because we're friends, I don't mind telling you that throughout the first twenty minutes of the video--which is laughably classified as the warm-up--I had to stop MULTIPLE times, gasping for air so fiercely that I could've sworn my lungs were on fire. I couldn't get air down my sad little windpipe fast enough to fill those air sacs. My esophagus burned with an intensity that brought me to tears. No really. My eyes were tearing up. Real tears. Real pain. Felt like real fire.
I was cursing at myself, at the tv screen, at the trainer. Eat shit, Shaun T, I don't wanna do these crazy ass mummy kicks anymore. What do you mean faster? I'm at maximum overdrive right now! This is it! This is all I got! I forced myself to finish the warm-up, because, well...heh, not at least doing the WARM-UP would just be embarrassing. Ha! As I stood there in a puddle of my own sweat, wheezing while I waited for the flames in my throat and chest to die down, and a heavy cloak of shame fell upon me, I watched in defeat as Shaun and team carried on with the cardio circuit without me.
Suffice it to say, I'm going to have to work my way up to the full work out. I know, I know, you're shocked.