Or verbal diarrhea. From the minds of children under 4. I know, it's scary, right? I know. This could be about anything. From beekeepers with superpowers who only eat turnips to purple tutus with sequins. And it's close. Entranced by the kaleidoscope of color created by the discarded cereal being flushed down the toilet (yes, my kids sometimes eat crappy sugar laden loops of colorful goodness for breakfast-- don't give me any shit about it), I replayed tiny sound bites from the past few days with Ella and Ethan. Equally amused and befuddled, I found myself chuckling out loud.
Convo 1 (sort of)-Ella:
I want a baby sister had left her lips and karate kicked my ears and then my brain so hard that I actually shuddered. And then clinched. Because I coughed, gasped, and almost pooped my pants all at the same time. She made this proclamation as we were getting into the car at daycare. Of course I completely shut that topic down, explaining that she had a baby brother and how great that was.
Convo 2 -Ethan:
"Mom, I wish I could have clothes like Batman. I wish I could have gloves like Batman. I wish I could fight bad guys like Batman. I wish I had a cape like Batman. I wish I could drive like Batman." All uttered in rapid succession, so he could unload all of his Batman wishes while he had my attention.
Convo 3 -Ella:
ELLA: Momma, what's a teacher?
ME: Someone who teaches you something. Someone you learn from.
ELLA: Well, why do they teach?
ME: So that you can learn something new.
ELLA: That's nice. I like learning something new. But like in a classroom?
ME: Yes, sometimes in a classroom. But not always.
ELLA: Well, I have teachers. 2 of them. And I like them. Ms. Ashley is my teacher and Ms. Nancy is my teacher.
ME: Yes, that's right.
ELLA: Hmm, that's cool.
Convo 4 -Ella:
ELLA: Something woke me up last night. I heard a noise, so I went to check out what was making that sound, and I saw something crazy downstairs. I went to go check it out, and I saw it, and it moved.
ME: What was it?
ELLA: The magic.
ME: The magic?
ELLA: (Nods head.) I guess it was fireworks...or whatever it was.
ME: (Starting to get a little creeped out, but still smiling and continuing to play along.) That sounds interesting.
ELLA: Maybe it was the fireworks that waked me up.
ME: Was it sparkly like fireworks?
ELLA: Yeah...and it was floating in the air like... an airplane. And it went into my room, and Zachary's room and into Ryan's room and into your room.
ME: (Officially fully creeped out at this point. Smile gone.) Last night?
ELLA: Mmhhmmm. And I heard something and it woked me up and I went into your room and I saw something. I saw something under your bed, and it was weird. I saw something weird under your bed and I don't know what I saw. And I went downstairs to see the noise that was waking me up.
ME: What was the weird thing you saw under our bed?
ELLA: I don't know, but I saw it.
ME: Maybe you were just dreaming.
ELLA: No, it wasn't a dream. I'm just for real.
ME: (Now slightly giggling that she just said "for real".) Oh, you're for real?
ELLA: Yeah.
ME: Oh, okay.
ELLA: (Serious face.) It wasn't a dream.
ME: (No longer giggling or smiling. Small goose bumps forming.) Okay.
ELLA: I was just thinking about it, and I don't know what it was. I don't know what waked me up. Maybe it was a big ol' giant airplane---hey! Yes! I figured out what was waking me up! It was a big airplane!
ME: (Feeling a tad better that the conversation was winding down and we could talk about something else,like airplanes.) Well, airplanes can make a loud noise when they fly past. Maybe that sound woke you up.
ELLA: Yeah.
ME: Good, problem solved. (Now mommy can spend the rest of the night wide eyed and completely paralyzed in fear while lying in her bed.)
Convo 5 -Ella and Ethan:
ELLA: (Making a fishy face and opening and closing her mouth like a guppy.) Look.
ME: Maybe someday we can get some fishies .
ELLA: (Suddenly releasing her sucked in cheeks and puckered pout with excitement) To eat 'em?
ETHAN: To eatum!
ME: (Laughing) No, sweetie. As pets.
ELLA: (To Ethan) Do you want to Adam or Etum?
ETHAN: To eatum!
Convo 1 (sort of)-Ella:
I want a baby sister had left her lips and karate kicked my ears and then my brain so hard that I actually shuddered. And then clinched. Because I coughed, gasped, and almost pooped my pants all at the same time. She made this proclamation as we were getting into the car at daycare. Of course I completely shut that topic down, explaining that she had a baby brother and how great that was.
Convo 2 -Ethan:
"Mom, I wish I could have clothes like Batman. I wish I could have gloves like Batman. I wish I could fight bad guys like Batman. I wish I had a cape like Batman. I wish I could drive like Batman." All uttered in rapid succession, so he could unload all of his Batman wishes while he had my attention.
Convo 3 -Ella:
ELLA: Momma, what's a teacher?
ME: Someone who teaches you something. Someone you learn from.
ELLA: Well, why do they teach?
ME: So that you can learn something new.
ELLA: That's nice. I like learning something new. But like in a classroom?
ME: Yes, sometimes in a classroom. But not always.
ELLA: Well, I have teachers. 2 of them. And I like them. Ms. Ashley is my teacher and Ms. Nancy is my teacher.
ME: Yes, that's right.
ELLA: Hmm, that's cool.
Convo 4 -Ella:
ELLA: Something woke me up last night. I heard a noise, so I went to check out what was making that sound, and I saw something crazy downstairs. I went to go check it out, and I saw it, and it moved.
ME: What was it?
ELLA: The magic.
ME: The magic?
ELLA: (Nods head.) I guess it was fireworks...or whatever it was.
ME: (Starting to get a little creeped out, but still smiling and continuing to play along.) That sounds interesting.
ELLA: Maybe it was the fireworks that waked me up.
ME: Was it sparkly like fireworks?
ELLA: Yeah...and it was floating in the air like... an airplane. And it went into my room, and Zachary's room and into Ryan's room and into your room.
ME: (Officially fully creeped out at this point. Smile gone.) Last night?
ELLA: Mmhhmmm. And I heard something and it woked me up and I went into your room and I saw something. I saw something under your bed, and it was weird. I saw something weird under your bed and I don't know what I saw. And I went downstairs to see the noise that was waking me up.
ME: What was the weird thing you saw under our bed?
ELLA: I don't know, but I saw it.
ME: Maybe you were just dreaming.
ELLA: No, it wasn't a dream. I'm just for real.
ME: (Now slightly giggling that she just said "for real".) Oh, you're for real?
ELLA: Yeah.
ME: Oh, okay.
ELLA: (Serious face.) It wasn't a dream.
ME: (No longer giggling or smiling. Small goose bumps forming.) Okay.
ELLA: I was just thinking about it, and I don't know what it was. I don't know what waked me up. Maybe it was a big ol' giant airplane---hey! Yes! I figured out what was waking me up! It was a big airplane!
ME: (Feeling a tad better that the conversation was winding down and we could talk about something else,like airplanes.) Well, airplanes can make a loud noise when they fly past. Maybe that sound woke you up.
ELLA: Yeah.
ME: Good, problem solved. (Now mommy can spend the rest of the night wide eyed and completely paralyzed in fear while lying in her bed.)
Convo 5 -Ella and Ethan:
ELLA: (Making a fishy face and opening and closing her mouth like a guppy.) Look.
ME: Maybe someday we can get some fishies .
ELLA: (Suddenly releasing her sucked in cheeks and puckered pout with excitement) To eat 'em?
ETHAN: To eatum!
ME: (Laughing) No, sweetie. As pets.
ELLA: (To Ethan) Do you want to Adam or Etum?
ETHAN: To eatum!