It never ceases to amaze me how many peanut butter kisses I find in my kids' candy bags every Halloween. Who is buying this stuff? Apparently, lots of people. And surely those people are not actually eating the stuff, because if they did, I have to believe they would never buy it again.
I was shopping for my candy picks for this year, and I happened to gaze upon stacks--STACKS!--of peanut butter kisses on display. Not only did I scoff, but I was truly tempted to pull those bags aside and hide them deep in the ladies underwear section. Something about a peanut butter kiss beckons a force not to be reckoned with.
Not to be a candy snob here, but don't be the A-hole (that's right, capital A) that gives these out on Halloween. Either decide not to give out candy and turn your porch light off (and consequently be cursed in child language--doodyhead--and in all likelihood have your house tp'd) or commit to the idea fully and splurge with an extra BUCK to get something that is actually able to be digested in this decade.
I'm pretty sure these are the candies that are immediately thrown in the trash once mom or dad does the safety inspection of the take at the end of the night. Or for those fateful few that unsuspectingly make an attempt at mastication, the clumps of peanut flavored epoxy still end up discarded but this time with victims' teeth deeply embedded, forever fossilized, serving as proof of battles waged and lost. Jack o' lanterns everywhere mocking them and their now missing teeth. Damn those p'nut butter kisses of death.
I was shopping for my candy picks for this year, and I happened to gaze upon stacks--STACKS!--of peanut butter kisses on display. Not only did I scoff, but I was truly tempted to pull those bags aside and hide them deep in the ladies underwear section. Something about a peanut butter kiss beckons a force not to be reckoned with.
Not to be a candy snob here, but don't be the A-hole (that's right, capital A) that gives these out on Halloween. Either decide not to give out candy and turn your porch light off (and consequently be cursed in child language--doodyhead--and in all likelihood have your house tp'd) or commit to the idea fully and splurge with an extra BUCK to get something that is actually able to be digested in this decade.
I'm pretty sure these are the candies that are immediately thrown in the trash once mom or dad does the safety inspection of the take at the end of the night. Or for those fateful few that unsuspectingly make an attempt at mastication, the clumps of peanut flavored epoxy still end up discarded but this time with victims' teeth deeply embedded, forever fossilized, serving as proof of battles waged and lost. Jack o' lanterns everywhere mocking them and their now missing teeth. Damn those p'nut butter kisses of death.
I know it's tempting to pick these up. They're wrapped in festive black and orange waxy paper that just screams Halloween. And after all, there's something nostalgic about them, right? Something that makes you think of Halloweens gone by. Well, don't miss them too much; if you ate these as a child, they're likely still making their way through your small intestine. They're still right there with ya. And by the way, I'm sure when you're scouring your kids' confectionary cache, your not pulling out those peanut butter pellets to quietly and secretly gulp down in the dark of the hall closet. Nope, my guess is it's something with chocolate...isn't it? Think of us--them, I mean them, the kids--when shopping for your Halloween candy in the coming days.
Psssst- And to those of you giving out Almond Joys and Mounds, THANK YOU! You know who you are. And you know no kid eats those coconutty creations. Those are adult candy bars, and only a person truly dedicated to the Nov. 1st Parents' Club, would make such donations to the cause. Keep up the good work.
What do you consider to be awful or inedible candy? What do you hope to score from your kids' bags?
Psssst- And to those of you giving out Almond Joys and Mounds, THANK YOU! You know who you are. And you know no kid eats those coconutty creations. Those are adult candy bars, and only a person truly dedicated to the Nov. 1st Parents' Club, would make such donations to the cause. Keep up the good work.
What do you consider to be awful or inedible candy? What do you hope to score from your kids' bags?